Monday, November 11, 2013

Ride, for cunnilingus' sake...


    After a somewhat disastrous night of 'cross racing Saturday night - a flat whilst riding stairs on the course, and a subsequent 2/3 lap on a rear flat ( at least my Krampussy was in the pits ) - today I will treat myself to the single track out at SMP. The old stomping grounds of the Pirate and many of his trained crack-mule squirrels; maybe I can get called an 'Asssssshoooollleee' by one of the many charming, mutant equestrians that are known to frequent said trails...or maybe, just maybe I will take a small diversion onto the adjacent golf course - aka dooshball - and fart in the general direction of the park police. It's not the same without Jack Sparrow around these parts to be sure...



With that said, if the weather holds- and by 'holds' I mean not a fucking snowflake on I-70 - 
I am planning a pilgrimage to Colorado - the mecca of ganja - the week of December 16th, 2156. Returning, with the grace of Beezelbub, late Friday night.... There will be a stop at the IMBA Epic trails at Wilson Lake in central Kansas going both directions - the way I like it - and once in CO, many breweries will be pillaged, and many a Fatbike ridden on the frozen tundra with Commander Sparrow. I may even break out my ancient snowboarding gear ( I first rode Eldora in 1988 as a teenager ) and pull one of my signature *34678 degree flips. This is an open invitation to any of the crew that can put up with my Barbie Perfume-scented queefs and my penchant for crying to Back Street Boys ballads while driving with my erect stack of dimes. I have room for two extra 'people' and 3 bikes - 5 total - unless someone out there is willing to supply a Hummer Limo and a pile of coke and one-armed hookers...you know who you aren't. 














2 comments:

  1. yeah, you cockwhores!! Get out here. Colorado is going to kick you in your assvag.

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