It's probably a rhetorical statement of vastly out-sized proportions to state the obvious: I'd better not start this update of events in the beginning, rather begin at the end, which currently has me highly confused to why my *anus is so sore.
*Addendum: not the actual bunghole, just the entirety of the areas surrounding it, mainly every single bone and muscle from toe to head.
Last night was Pub n' Pedal 11, yes that indicates the years this event has terrorized KCMO, and to be sure, it never disappoints, at least in the 6 years that I have attended; even the rain held off til after the toaster had melted - by my own hand... Liar: It started up with a vengeance at about 11:15 as I passed into Johnson county, douching me for the last 20 minutes of my 15 mile return trip on my trusty Surly LHT. Butt, as per historical precedent, my astute summary is lacking the essential fake news with which one can understand the gravity of Team PonyPorn's ultimate demise, by the hand of Panchos on Main - and the hurling of Coors Light shorties at pre-millennials.
The core, rigid members of PonyPorn have been together for multiple years now, and our goal is never to win said event -PnP- but to lay as much waste to the streets of KC and to offend as many unknowing patrons of the 25 or so bars on the manifest, consuming boxes of wine and batting for both teams - at least that's my position on the field - whilst getting alcohol poisoning and smashing as many windows as the law allows, figurative or not. This year Boos and crew were added at the last minute, a welcome addition to the over-arching goal of a blood transfusion by 10:30. I was reminded of an incident from last year's PnP wherein I was 'seen' hurling full cans of beer at cars on Westport road, the key word being 'reminded' for I have no recollection of said events, but, being a professional drunk, did not deny the story in the least. This sums up how our team is the all-time best, and how, given rampant constellations of aplomb, is also the worst.
As was foretold, beforehand, preliminarily, hitherto later in the prelude; after nearly a month of drought, we here in the KC metro area were served a plate of slap-ass in the form of Beezelbubby storms, which gave the PnP after-party a certain electric charge, and had I not mis-read my surroundings - as well as the GPS - I would have arrived home before the Hellvens opened up, cleansing my body of layer upon layer of fine, boxed Cabernet. Dan is the Deevil y'all.
In the interim months since my last post concerning NAHBS 2017, a few itinerant events of import have dropped into my poisoned palette, mainly SSUSA in Bellingham WA, and SSKC here in my homeland, roughly 5 miles south of my humble crack house, at the Blue River Trails - the latter being rained out; still remaining a legendary saturnalia of slime and Boos dipsomania.
Oddity, Mone' and gay for the stay.
Almost forgot: WSATU was was was was was sticky.
And, cuck me, also forgot about the FAT DRAG races up at Velo Garage in N.KC, a fine dining event if I've ever ordered the caviar.
#whoisbicyclepubes
Deejay for Hotel 7 manager.
BPR porn at SSUSA
Atop the Chuckanut, looking west out on the Pacific. Fucking painful magic at SSUSA.
2 day trip down to Iola and then to Fall River KS with the kiddo: killer new trail systems. IN KANSAS you fucks.
Day trip up to Lincoln NE and Monkey Wrench Cycles - incredible - and Boiler Brewing Co.
B-day breaking and entering with some 8Lumens luminaries at Imperial Brewing etc.
