Post no Williams...

With all the body-image shaming and guilt-ridden mea culpas dripping from the sewer pipes this week, Team 8Lumens is embarking on a noble quest for catharsis and revival tonight, deep into the bowels of the crystal-clear waters of Brush Creek, which unknown to most, originates in Johnson County, chockablocked with fertilizer residue from two of the richest golf courses in the Midwest. It then meanders through the Plaza wherein it is laced with a million pounds of goose excrement and medical waste from the UMKC School of Medicine, and eventually dumps its load of sludge into the Blue River - a stone's throw away from Royals Stadium - and from there heads North towards the mighty Missouri; and we all know where that ends up: True Detective-Land.

It would seem that the spiritual youth-leader of the Lumens, #hardcorbincummybuns, knows of a few abandoned caves - coal mines from the looks of the map - that are accessible through an initiation process of ritual sacrifice to the Gawdess of Gordo, Southwest Kardashian. Even though the chosen one has not yet been birthed into the gutter of the universe, we must pay homage to her, for it is she who will bring the light to the Pumpkin Oreo King. 

If one or more of our contingent is lost, or left to eat the carcass of a nuclear rat for sustenance during the Base of Balls game that we will surely miss, let it be heard on high that Q39 has the best Barbecue and Maps Coffee Roasters ( Velo+) is almost as good as Folgers....

Deffer and Pool are getting so fat these days...

Oddity Cycles in Ft. Collins gives me mega-chub...

It's been awhile, let's just hold hands...

Or not; we could just get right down to the corn-holin'....

In other news of far-less-importance, the trails here in KC are starting to look quite similar to the above photo; a veritable October typhoon/hurricane/deluge of Noah-ish proportions: 6-10 inches in the last 8 days. I almost boarded my trusty ol' Long Haul Trucker to deliver hats to Velo+ this morning but was dissuaded by the simple fact that bike travel in pouring rain in central Johnson County is akin to blowing an 18th Century hooker in Dublin: not safe even with 8 layers of protection and a gallon of Scotch. Riding an indoor trainer might be the last thing I would do next to a Zumba class in Newark, taught by Chris Christie...slightly less boring/futile is going back to my old stand-by, the Nordic Track - which is so sexy that my neighbors gaze through my basement windows and whack themselves dry due to my flab-o-lanch of moobie-slappage.

The consolation prize has even been grabbed away from my greasy little mitts: the rain will more than likely postpone the Spoyals ALCS game until Tuesday night, which means that the National Felons League is the only man-event on the Tele tonight; how will I keep my baby-gravy fertile without violent contact sports? Answer me that.

Spy photo from a Black Sheep 36er with these sick-ass wooden rims.

...Team 8Lumens Alaskan contingent - lead by Jordan - doing what the Palin's find sinful.

Bier Station sticker-bombing...

...Uno is the most racist card game ever invented.

It's not heritage, it's hatred - or how I learned to love the Stravassholes.

     So much vitriol, so little time my fellow Turtle Islanders, for all is well and good here in the heartless-land, where 75% of the citizenry votes against its interests, and then wonders, after repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot, why they are bleeding. And, I am kidding about any affections towards the STRAVA - some of my best friends are white, I mean assholes, and this by no means excuses any behaviors exhibited thereof and therefores: golf is not a sport and NASCAR is the modern-day Klan meeting. One is not born with bigotry; one is taught/brainwashed, much like religiosity is handed down through the ages, excused as an evolutionary trait which advances  the tribe. But hey, let's party like it's 2003, and bomb bomb bomb Iran, or any other friend that was yesterday our enemy; at least the Dow-Jones is up for the arms industry...

We are now exactly one month away from the Mid-term elections -which due to gerrymandering mean next to nothing - and, although the Republikkkans will likely take back the Senate, leaving the next two years with absolutely no agenda other than increased Congressional blockage, we on the  Left can rejoice in the simple fact that the debate has shifted so far away from the middle that it is quite likely that my property in Northern Okyhomey will be beachfront by the time I retire.