Train Wreck, Car Fire and a Yard Sale: Pub n' Pedal 9

    There are certain, definable elements to ascertain a successful life, and one is whether or not a person can be inebriated enough whilst the sun is still afloat in the Western sky to throw a $3000 bikey with wild abandon; in the process bending a disc rotor and a wheel beyond repair. One other element is challenging one's sexuality by choice, or dare, and in the process realizing that men really are disgusting creatures with death-breath and hirsute-hell issues: Team Penistitties/8Lumens won hands down.

Momma said cock you out, a wise man once never said, and so, the pre-dark shenanigans set forth upon Pub n' Pedal with a vengeance unlike any 4 hour hairstyle session with The Donald. Bikes were eventually ridden, only after the Danimal's Boxwine acoutremount was attached with a scientific furvor to the rack on El Blanco's Boner Stem racer:

And, this aforementioned hinderance would be the Captain Cuntwat's ultimate tool for a hastened demise: problematic at best, tragic at worst, short-bus reject at worster; 3rd person narrative is always the litmus test for all things chary and  mental...

...pre-party Sprints.

And now back to original programming...