Sunday, August 10, 2014

Natural Selection Rejection.

   If things had gone the way of the 6000 year old dinosaurs, I would have had a higher percentage chance of attending SSUSA this weekend; that's a cold hard fact you can inscribe in the Holy Book of  Satan folks.  Now that a 'titanosaur' has been unearthed in Patagonia -as tall as a 7 story building, the largest land animal since Noah's chubby half-brother - we can all sleep more betterer at night knowing the Creationists are almost ready to join their inbred kin and porcine amorists at the right hand of GawdAwful, which is actually a  quite comfortable loveseat at the DMV....

Alas and therefore, at least we here in KC have a vainglorious, attendant sense of irony and can amuse ourselves with other forms of two-wheeled entertainment -case in point the infamous Wyco's Revenge marathon mt. bike race held on the thickly-forested hills of the Missouri River. As in previous posts concerning the plethora of incredible single-track we have here in the centermost portion of the contiguous US, those of yooos who have not jumped off of I-70 for a day or two to ride our epic dirt are indeed missing out on a religious experience only best compared to a blow-job on an alter. I had a relatively fast race, considering my training regimen consists of beer and porn, and the occasional Earth Riders hairy taco muncher fest, and I would have pulled off a 5th overall in the open category in the 2hr event, but for some unknown reason I wrecked in grand fashion, at a high rate of speed, and did an Olympic Ballet move through the forest that would make Usher proud to have me on his dance-off panel. That being said, I finally got my bars straightened and my chain realigned and fought back to a 7th place spot - again not bad for a facially-challenged, non aero position on a 29+ feather....good times and great oldies to be sure.

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