Wednesday, February 11, 2015

SSAZ 2015: Making huge, lasting mammaries.

     In the sparse pantheon of items that consist of linear recollection, riding a single-speed mountain bike until your "for the love of Gawd and all that is holy, my anus is bleeding" may be the best way in which to inscribe upon your black soul the joys of suffering in the Arizona desert. That, and 'Animal Style' fries from In n' Out Burger, which have a similar effect on one's gastronomical organs. Let us revel in all that is hotter than Satan's coochie, and wetter than drool from a Kardashian's hate child, for now is the time to transcend the mundane arena of guilt by dislocation and fire shots across the bow of the bowtie; following no derivative path in the photo-ridden essay that succeeds these words of pissdom....

1. First, let's get this one fact out of the way: many of the photos featured so prominently in this post were stolen/borrowed from professional snappers, so if you are one to care about such acts of severe criminal activity, please assist yourself to a well-lubed bottle of Tapatio below the equator. 

*345. There will be no rhyme or reason to my 'story' that was our SSAZ experience, for pain is a mnemonic device best served with a side of blood gravy.

67. Speaking of salsa, El Blanco Miguel gets what Whitey wants when he asks for packets of said condiment at Taco Bell...over 50 to be exact.

Mr Paul Components was in the veritable house...

As was EndlessBikeGirl Shanna...who just happens to rule the known Universe.

Me, myself and I and El Blanco Miguel, represented the 8Lumens Army of None, making KC proud with every stroke of the cactus.

The Surly crew was in full-frontal effect and handed out foam can-condoms until we all finished in the extra-clean campground sinks...

BPR wins every race they enter...if only we could all aspire to be as kickballs as the Back of the Pack crew.

Pork Torta was the featured band on the second night, and might be the bestest fucktards on the planet when it comes to the total entertainment package. Amazingly good tunes.

Break me off a piece of that KitSplat bar.

Dejay for President.

Pizza Slut in Wellington Kansas does diabetes right...

They also do monster-busses and old alleyways well in Wellington...

El Blanco Miguel might have missed his calling as a long-haul trucker, and if you are lucky enough to get a VW limo ride someday, be prepared for the worst nasal assaults outside of Amarillo Texas...

Charlie the Bikemonger is a world-class badass in case there was any doubt..

Prototype 29+ Dirt Wizard from Surly Bikes...chop chop suey. 

 67. Until next year Arizona, for in the interim I shall train like a banshee on my recliner, pick cactus spines from between my toes and seek the many lost Tic-Tacs that went missing in my beard whilst attempting to freshen my respiration for an intimate encounter with a rock. Y'all desert dwellers really know how to make us flatland morons feel right at home, even if that means holding our hands so we can't give you reach-arounds.


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