And in other news of import, a wonderful ride took place last night in conjunction with the ERTA Taco Tuesday ho's and the Pirate Ride/8 Lumens Freetards. Even the Pirate himself came out of hiding and mounted his Fatty with unabashed sexual frivolity and proceeded to get *459 flats in a 3 hour period.
But all in all, the dirt was in epic, hero condition, and Team 8 Lumens slayed the beast on the Blue River with 4 inches of rubber, not unlike Kanye and his progeny North West. El Blanco Miguel also had tire issues, having to stop and air up his "tubeless" fatties as they self-steered him into the river at least *38 times. Only the Silent Killer and I survived unscathed and rode the new Wagon Wheel offshoot *219 times as we waited for the Dos Dumbassos to fix their steeds.
As we removed the 5 millionth tick from our crotches, the ride continued back down through the river valley and eventually to the Sandtrap, where we were served by 8 year old girls collecting rolly- pollies and scrounging for tips - a long story that I need far more beer with which to tell. Blanco Miguel had many luscious diatribes and kept the crowd at bay with his descriptions of ball chaffing and caffeine abuse paired with Chick Fil Gay-filled frame bags. In the end the Cuntwat ruled the roost with his motocross tires and fearless ascents of the Highline; because referring to oneself in the 3rd person is the first step towards the rubber room.