After a multitude of threats and insinuated violent thought-enemas, Winter has finally tucked its tail between its fetid legs and made like a giner and spread its wings; but not before laying utter waste to the eastern half of the USA, including the Ohio river wherein the Louisville city council did our crew a handy by converting an old RR bridge into a Pink Floyd video with which one can perambulate/velo-cilate to the Indiana side of said river....which from above looked as angry and swollen as my twins after a botched jump at the Mega-Cavern. Butt, as per usual, I get a blowjob of myself and lose any new readers in a web of half-truths and happy endings, so let us be kind and rewind to the beginning of what would turn out to be a 5 day festival of catastrophe, snafu, debacle and many other synonyms for drinking oneself into a stupor of bucket-list proportions; penis valve stems pinned on one's hat notwithstanding.
As was foretold, I was traveling to NAHBS this year with the Kansas City Bicycle Collective, led by the master of all things Velo and Coffee, Vincent, owner of Maps Coffee and Velo+, but I hitched a ride with the tardturds from Oddity Cycles and tag-teamed with the REEB fuckunts whilst flinging bags of liquid poo at the Moonmen contingent. Or, unless you were lucky enough to be on the icy I-64 freeway Thursday afternoon, a barrage of ass-spackle from the Pirate himself...
With all things being highly unequal, and this being my first appearance at a NAHBS event -after following the photo/editorial coverage for the last 15 years- I was primed to make it more than probable that I would be forever banned from Louisville, Kentucky; for when one is their chosen element, a substandard impression is at the top of the totem. At least I paused in between bouts of vertical/horizontal challenges to snap a few Polaroids of the mega-crappy, piece of excrement bikes on display this year...
And now, let us rejoice in the name of the Lard, for Louisville has world-class breweries and donut shops/bike shops and gangsta pizza joints, as well as the largest underground bike park this side of Uranus.
The Radavist after-party was Rick James/Juggalo approved...
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