Thursday, March 26, 2015

Cog Block.

    Dear Deevil in the depths of my charred soul: I hate breaking shit, please help me to be less flabolicious; guide me away from the Semen of Satan -beer - and warm my sagging cockles with the breath of Beezlebub's boobs... At least the sexiest bike company in the known universe - Endless - provided me with the gearing - 44 inches - to salvage what was left of the post-fracture ride back to the Landahl Park parking lot only 1.5 hrs into a hero dirt session...

So, as one does when a pony goes beneath the gun, I dragged the nearly 3 year old Krampussy out of the *456 shades of black dungeon, and slayed the SMP beast, this, after a 18 mile ride on yet another Surly product, my ancient Long Haul Trucker- set up 1x9 for fark's sake. Speaking of ye ole touring rig, it has become my go-to bar bike, even with bald 'cross tires, due to the lame-sack fact that it has a rear rack with a lopsided pannier system, not unlike my knard(s)...

...Which brings us to the next 'Top Story" - sic TBTL: 8Lumens is dead; long live 7Lumens.
Are we simply shit-talkers and piss-drinkers, or are we truly the baddest-assed mt. bikers this side of Raytown? The answer is blowin' in the wind my friends, it is exiting out the ass of Brownbuttistan; it is regurgitating fecal matter long thought laid to waste in the detritus of trickle-down economics; it is but an erotic encounter between El Blanco and the OrChasm for coitus' sake.

This is the Pivot Les Fat, probably the perfection of the Fatbike/29+, and should arrive in my shop by mid-April....building it up 29+SS with carbon 55mm rims and a full-carbon cockpit/crankset, shooting for a total weight of 19lbs: Fuck you, DIE IN A FIRE. I know, a 132mm BB is freetarded, and a 150 front  x197 rear is off-the-charts short bus, but hey, mid-life crisis' are rough going you fucking asshats.

Warning: shameless promotion lies ahead; Noir Arts and Oddities on 39th st. KCMO is most likely the best shop in the Midwest, do yourself a fuckety favor and pay Pam and Adam a visit...

Yes, it's real...1890's Russian.

...pickled baby deformed pig, what everyone needs on their mantle, next to the Precious Moments Manger.

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