As was previously discussed in the last post on this eponymous blog, last Saturday night was the war of attrition a.k.a Dirt Cred Numero Uno. Beings as how the trails were muddy and slutty, The Shoff chose to do an Urban Dirty, wherein attendees were assaulted with cardboard containers of wine, reefers the size of bananas and enough Tallgrass brew to fuck up an entire third world country. The above video is of me doing an endo-faceplant-hipcheck onto a pile of frozen snow, which knocked the wind out of me and rearranged my right waistline to more resemble Kim Kardashian's ass. The night ended many hours later, after a tour of the Blue River wastelands north of the Stadiums....which featured many more wrecks, the penultimate crash concerning David HasselShoff - which will also be posted to this here Blog - and forced the party into the nearest QT for coffee and taquitos, while the birthday boy barfed up his cake. Luckily we were within 3 miles of the HasselShoff headquarters where the shindig started, so all was well and good in the end, that is of course until El Blanco Miguel upchucked his aforementioned taquitos down the side of my car on the way south. If you missed this 'event' - and any other 8 Lumens past or future tense bullshit - I suggest you take some Midol or Viagra and get the fuck off the couch with your *345 cats and Mario Cart and ride, because next time we will all be carrying panniers full of box wine and I.V.'s... You know who you aren't.
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