Monday, December 2, 2013

There's a fog on my log...

As I wait for the sun to burst through Gawd's whorious clouds this morning, and let the post-holiday traffic wane, I am reminded that...fuck this, I need more coffee.

In all anal frivolity, this post is really all about the nookie: i.e. cool cats doing things with their lives' that I would never do; I blame my ancestors who decided that stopping in central Kansas to farm was a far better idea than forging on to Oregon where they could ride bike lanes with the glee of *56 Oprah impersonators on oxy. But enough of my personal fantasies, let's get up to the task at handjob:

Here, folks, we have the Pirate's newest endeavor...custom steel frames made by amputee sex-slaves in Myanmar, under the close supervision of Tara Reid. Now that the cat is out of the baggie, I, myself and me are/am planning a religious rite of passage to said factory - actually located in Estes Park CO. - to observe the mastery of The Sparrow in the fleshy folds here in 2 weeks or so. I have put my name into the lottery in hopes that I will receive the very first tandem recumbent Fatbike with 4x39 gearing for the times that Rosanne and I need to get to the crack house in a flash. In all likelihood, I will chicken the cluck out and resort to mastabatory acts against humanity in the corner of my shop because I really hate the cold weather y'all...there, I said it: Eat excrement and perish, winter. 

Blah blah blah, yeah I know: be a better woman and get some balls and ride in the 5 degree, 2 foot snow paradise/utopia that is the coming storm. No thanks, I'm trying to quit...a 10 step program that starts with going to southern Arkansas and riding in 60 degree green-porn. Only crime will tell if those threats come to fruition, but let it be heard from the Angels on High: I will personally drop trough and take a steaming shit on I-70 if it is closed at the Hays exit; and spend the rest of the week at the Lion's Den -truckstop Adult extravaganza outside of Junction City - watching peepshows and working part-time as a giz-mopper,  in which I have an advanced degree...

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